He walked in the office…pulled out his chair and sat down.
We’ve been in the oncologist’s office many times….
but never has the conversation felt so bleak.
“Well guys…. there’s really no good news today.
As you know… we’ve tried and failed with multiple treatments for your GVHD.
The ulcers aren’t healing…
you’ve had repeat infections… putting your body and life at risk each time.
We hoped it wouldn’t come to this, but it seems the only option is to remove your leg.”
He said more than that… but I couldn’t tell you what.
John said something like…
“Dr. P (the surgeon) mentioned on Monday we should consider amputation ….so this isn’t new news.”
“But, do you think his leg can heal from an amputation? What about the GVHD?”
“It’s the lesser of two evils. Continued infections … closer and closer together is life threatening. We don’t know how well your body will heal but it’s seems the only option.”
There’s something so final about this news….like…. there’s no turning back….
John is scheduled for surgery in 2 weeks.
I haven’t felt this unsteady …. in a long time.
A flutter in my gut…. my heart beats fast….and the tears…. they just keep coming up….
I want to scream…Why!!
John is quiet…at times sad…. yet he never complains….
He mostly just says…..”I’m scared.”
and he prays (a lot)….
He thanks God for…
me, our boys, his mother, my parents, our family, friends, amazing doctors and nurses, our home, our business, this community…
He prays and prays…. gratitude.
Then he asks for strength ….
“Why can’t we ask for a miracle…”
“We can”… and we do….
I will be strong….
I will trust….
I will not lose faith….
I’ve given myself….a few days to be sad…..
then it’s time to buck-up… be strong….(that time is almost up)…..
I pray for strength…..
I know God will answer…..
We’ve got this…..
We are not alone.
Please Please … Pray for Us
We are praying first for a miracle… that somehow the leg ulcers start to heal….
and the surgery can be postponed.
If that is not our miracle…
We pray John’s body will heal from the amputation …
and he will find a new way of life…. one that’s healthy, strong and free of pain.
I humbly ask for the healing power of your grace to help me sit with uncertainty, rather than try to force answers before their time. Please grant me the faith that all will be made clear in due time, and let me surrender my concerns over to you until then. Please send in your angels to help me calm my anxiety and trust that I will be guided so I can relax. I thank you in advance, with my whole heart and soul, for answering my prayer as I surrender my uncertainty to you.”