truth note 02 | umm, that’s a no

Manual | man·u·al
noun.
a book of instructions, especially for operating a machine or learning a subject; a handbook.

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People Manuals
noun
the instructions we’ve formulated on how we expect people to act.

Despite the fact that our manuals have never been articulated out loud we expect our people to know our ‘instructions’.
And when they don't follow our plan, we become hurt, angry, sad, disappointed, worried and so on.
Essentially, letting other people determine how we feel.

Truth Note.
I’m very well practiced at trying to control the outcome.

Thinking back to the addiction journey with our son my mission was always about control.
If he would just do that I could feel this and all would be well.
Of course, my mission failed time and time again.

In my manual, if he stopped drinking, I could breathe again, relax, feel better, feel good, be happy, and so on.
I gathered as much evidence as I could to prove I was right and that he should follow along.

It’s been 5 years since Bryce quit drinking. And I had nothing to do with his decision at all. 🙃
Oh and shockingly all my worries didn’t magically disappear.

Instead, I updated his manual in my mind.

My control issues have improved but I still catch myself slipping into our old ways depending what’s going on.
This leads me to our latest dance of me wanting Bryce to do what I think is best and him as he often does ignoring my requests.

As I write this, Ukraine is under Russian attack. Day 17.

12 days ago (or so) Bryce announced he felt called to go and help!

My response.
Ummm, that’s a no.’

Didn’t he know my manual clearly states he will not go to Europe during a war.
(cause I will be way too uncomfortable and have to worry the whole time.)

Surprise!
No matter how hard I tried to convince him otherwise He did NOT listen.

I pulled out all the stops.
A list of reasons in multiple forms. text, conversations, more texts.
the silent treatment for almost a full day. (obviously, I’m not great at the silent treatment.)
:)

Thankfully I found my way to A C C E P T A N C E before he hopped on the plane.
And even though he was going no matter what I wanted, he was relieved to know I was ‘on board’.

Yes, my resistance was about his safety but there were other, some practical reasons for my resistance too.
Our story has many layers I won’t even attempt to explain.

But I must continue to trust.
God has worked things out and kept him safe all these years. In seriously miraculous ways.
I need to trust in Him.

It seems our children are our greatest teachers. And at 53 I’m still learning from mine.

Bryce asked me to share this with ‘my people’ in case anyone was willing to support their mission in some way too.

I posted this story on Instagram and the comments were lovely and kind to both Bryce and I. But that was not my reason for sharing.
My intention was to raise awareness and invite anyone who felt moved to help in some way.

The group he is working with does not have a website or fancy charity set up. There is no time for such things in war.
They are simply humans doing their best to help in the most immediate way they can.

Here is what one of the organizers @orlovaphotographer wrote in her post a week or so ago. You can also find details on how to donate directly to her team’s cause in her IG stories.

Guys ! You ask how to help me. I am very grateful to all of you, but my children are safe and do not starve. We managed to leave for Western Ukraine as soon as the shelling began. But our cities are now on fire. Our soldiers are dying. People are hiding from shelling in the subway and basements without any means of subsistence, without medicines and food. We can help them!
We buy cereals from food warehouses in Kharkov and deliver them. We bake bread in the Intercession Monastery.
Further, we hope to start transporting humanitarian aid from Poland and other EU countries through the "green corridor". People in different countries have collected a lot of food and things, they are trying to somehow transfer it, but it takes money and time to deliver it to the hot spots of Ukraine. Main time. Which doesn't exist now. People are starving right now.
Therefore, @rudnev_misha, me, @alexkharkiv, @ternyuk and other guys from all over Ukraine are now organizing themselves into a group of volunteers. We are trying to do our best. After each purchase, all receipts will be sent to our group, where the funds were spent, and I will publish the report in my stories.
When sending, please write in the comments the amount that was sent and, if possible, send screenshots of the transfers. In the purpose of payment, indicate “help Ukraine from….”
Together we are strong! I believe we will win! Glory to Ukraine!

I know there are so many that would love to hop on a plane and serve in some way. But it’s not possible for most.
Bryce happened to have a window of time and very kind and generous people willing to support his journey financially. He has been blessed. (in so many ways).

Here’s what’s happening for him so far.

Bryce flew to Lithuania and is staying with a friend he met online some time back.
Thanks to social media and the help of his Lithuanian friend he connected with 2 photographers turned volunteers, on a mission to help Ukraine as directly as they can.
In a very short time, they’ve managed to organize 2 large vans, and a jeep to deliver medical supplies to Ukraine and pick up refugees on their trip back.

On Friday Bryce driving a large van, followed another van and a jeep from Vilnius, Lithuania, through Poland, into Ukraine.
As I type this they are on their way back to Lithuania with refugees they picked up after the supply drop off.

I want to say thank you to each person that has supported Bryce financially, through prayers and moral support as well.
And applaud these women and their team of volunteers who decided to take action and help as directly as they can.

And so many others doing the same.

With love & gratitude.

xx

Kim

These words by Theodore Roosevelt seem so appropriate right now.

It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.”

—Theodore Roosevelt

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